January 24, 2006
Later!
I have a new blog here:
http://www.thefattree.com/blog
There will be no more posts here. Please make any necessary updates to your blog roll.
Posted By eBill at 03:49 PM Comments (0) TrackBack (0)
January 23, 2006
Dream Log Entry 2.0: A Big Steaming Pile of I Don't Know
I had a very brief dream over the weekend set in the style of The Family Guy animation. In fact I was Brian Griffin in the dream. The dream went like this:
INT - GRIFFIN'S LIVING ROOM - DAYBrian Griffin (Me) is standing next to a pile of dog excrement of which he is obviously the source.
ME/BRIAN: Oh no!
Enter Peter Griffin
PETER: Hey Brian, what's that smell?
ME/BRIAN: Uh, I don't know, Peter.
PETER: That's funny, it doesn't smell like a big steaming pile of I Don't Know?
SFX: LAUGH TRACK
And that was all there was too it. Well, except for the fact that I woke up laughing my ass off in response to Peter's comment.
Dreams Posted By eBill at 02:41 PM TrackBack (0)
Diet 2006: Week 3
I weighed myself after working out today and I am down 4 pounds to 194 since my botched weigh-in two weeks ago. 194 just happens to be the exact weight at which I became stuck the last time I tried to drop a few pounds via disorganized dieting and inconsistent excericise. I would like to see 192 or less by next Monday.
Diet Posted By eBill at 02:15 PM TrackBack (0)
January 20, 2006
Habanero Experience
Reminded by this post, I thought I would write down the story of my own pepper mishap.
Back in college, like fifty or eighty years ago, my neighbors invited me to a chili party. All attendees were expected to make and bring their favorite chili recipe. I don't remeber what sort of chili I made because I have no memory of this party other than the events that lead up to my horrible experience.
I was standing in the kitchen ladeling myself a bowl of chili while a friend of mine was showing me the bottle of habanero peppers he brought to the party. I love spicy food, therefore I accepted when he offered me one of his habanero peppers. "Just squeeze a little of the juice into your chili," my friend instructed, "They are way too hot to use a whole one." I cast my friend a sideways glance as if to say, "Pffft! You are obviously a fuckin' amateur." I crushed the pepper between my fingers and emptied all of the pepper juice into my bowl of chili. "Don't say I didn't warn you," my friend disclaimed.
That bowl of chili was easily the spiciest thing I had ever put in my mouth. Ever. My nose immediately began to run and I was soon sweating like I was doing jumping jacks in an attic. It was awesome! I loved it! After finishing the chili, I grabbed a beer to help cool my tongue a bit.
Beer is not well suited to counteract spice so a beer turned into a few beers. Soon enough, I cared much less about my burning tongue and more about my tightening bladder. I excused myself from the conversation I was having with my neighbor to use the bathroom.
I returned from my leak to find that my neighbor had been replaced by his wife. I didn't say much more than, "Hey," before I noticed a tingling sensation in my groinal area. At first it seemed kinda funny to me that my neighbor's wife made my penis tingle. But the tingle rapidly gave way to an alarming burning sensation as did my amusement to concern. I began to fidget in an attempt to reposition things without being completely obvious. All the while, my neighbor's wife is talking to me but I have no clue what she was saying.
The burning sensation was worsening and it spread to the ol' coin purse. I was only dimly aware that my neighbor's wife had stopped talking and was now watching me dance about in an attempt to shake off the searing pain that had quite literally seized me by the balls. Unable to bear the pain any longer, I grabbed myself, gave my neighbor's wife a horrified look, and bolted for the bathroom. The look on my neighbor's wife's face had to be priceless, I wish I could have seen it.
The next thing I remember is standing in the shower under cold water still wearing my socks. I was madly grabbing every product I get my hands on and rubbing, lathering, or squirting it on my crotch. If only they had kept the milk in the shower. It took several minutes but the pain finally began to subside to a tolerable level. I vaguely remember getting clothed again, briefly explaining what happened, and leaving with my dripping socks in hand.
Stupidity Posted By eBill at 11:38 AM TrackBack (0)
January 13, 2006
Update: Water Crisis 2006
I have water! Yay!
Baltimore Posted By eBill at 05:24 PM TrackBack (0)
January 12, 2006
Miracle on Myth Street
I was on the verge of posting a long rant about Baltimore's inability to effectively conduct public works of any sort. I arrived home from work to discover I had no running water. After a brief investigation, I and several neighbors discovered a broken water main on our block. We all called 311 and we all spoke with irritated representatives that told us, "Yeah, we know about it already."
The last time I dealt with a broken water pipe that belonged to the city, I had to take two days off work in order to bail water out of basement. Between bailing sessions, I called 311 to plead with them to send someone to take care of the problem. On the third day someone finally came to fix the problem.
I waited for a couple hours this evening for city workers to arrive and finally decided I was probably in for an entire weekend without water. I has just settled down for a long, angry rant when out on the street there arose such a clatter. I sprang from the computer chair to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. [Blah, blah, blah] When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a Public Works sleigh, and eight men in work gear.
It was a Christmas miracle ... a few weeks late but a miracle nonetheless.
It remains to be seen if I have water in the morning though. But, hey, credit where credit is due.
Baltimore Posted By eBill at 07:36 PM TrackBack (0)
