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September 30, 2005
Jesus Christ Penney
What the fuck is going on in this goddamned country? Did everybody turn into a fucking Jesus Freak on me while I wasn't looking? When the hell did it become a good business decision for a major department store to have a Jesus section? I mean, fuck!
A couple days ago, I went to JC Penney in the mall near my place of employment. You see, the seasons are changing which means I can find some cheap clothes from the previous season to update my wardrobe. Anyone that knows me can tell you that my wardrobe needs some serious updating. My wardrobe still reflects living in San Diego. Shorts, shorts, and more shorts. Oh, and an assload of tee shirts. But I digress.
I am walking around the store and a Family Guy tee shirt catches my eye. I approach the display table and begin poking around. There are a few Family Guy tee shirts in addition to Napoleon Dynamite shirts, and couple random shirts with painfully stupid sayings emblazoned on the front. It suddenly dawned on me that the majority of the shirts in the display were Jesus themed. Shirts with messages like:
"Souled Out: The Jesus Tour"
"Jesus Athletics"
"Jesus Lifeguard"
Oh, and get this one! I'm not exactly sure if it was part of the Jesus display but it sure as fuck fit the underlying theme. The shirt design was that of a traffic sign with the text, "SORRY: Mind closed until further notice." I shit you not!
It didn't stop there. As I stared at the display in disbelief, the background shopping music began to claw its way toward the foreground of my consciousness. Oh my fucking god! They were playing Christian shopping music. I began picking out snippets of lyrics such as, "Faith is all there is," and "You have to believe." WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?!? Is this some sort of Pavlovian experiment? Or has the JC in JC Penney always stood for Jesus Christ and I have just never noticed before?
Rants Posted By eBill at 12:00 PM
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