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September 21, 2005
Pig Cock
My carpool buddy is an angry driver. One of the angriest I've ever experienced. When not driving, my friend is a very nice and polite person but put him behind the wheel of a car and he spontaneously contracts turrets syndrome for the duration of the drive. Now, I have heard him scream some foul things at people but yesterday he out did himself.
We were exiting the southbound 895 tunnel on our way to work. As we were merging down to two lanes after the tunnel, a Maryland state trooper cut us off and merged in front of us. It is important to note that this particular state trooper was female. Now, my friend is by no means a misogynist, sexist, chauvinist, or any other "ist," for that matter. However, I do think his frustration with his wife, child, etc. manifests itself in an extremely agressive fashion while driving. But, hey, that is just my take on it.
I should also note that I am not a big fan of civil authorities. I was raised by a cop and I know first hand that there is no such a thing as an honest cop. Probably never was. Probably never will be. In fact, I believe that the only crime worthy of the death penalty is violating the public trust and it should be handed down generously to corrupt cops. Over the years of our carpooling together, my friend has developed the tendency to refer to cops as pigs. He didn't take to it right away, but I persevered and successfully incorporated the term into his vocabulary.
Anyway, so this female state trooper cuts us off. My friend lost his flippin' mind. He screamed so loud that I thought the windows might break. He turned red in the face and his voice went up a couple octaves. Then he screamed the foulest thing I have ever heard him say: "Why are you in such a big fuckin' hurry, huh? What?!?! Do you have some pig cock you need to go suck?!?!?"
I laughed my fucking ass off.
Posted By eBill at 12:00 PM
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