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December 05, 2005
A Mild Funk
Well, my brother left for Chicago last night. The house seems empty without his furniture and omnipresence. I can't help but feel that I drove him away with my older-brother style lectures and demands.
It is a long story (which I may tell at another time) that can be summarized by stating that my brother is convinced that he cannot freee himself from the world of low-paying, hazardous-environment, no benefits labor force. Because of this mind set he resists applying himself to well, anything. At least, that is how I see it.
Anyway, during the several months my brother lived here, I begged, pleaded, assisted, subsidized, yelled, and probably screamed; all in an effort to peel back the haze he appears to live within and help him see what could be. Most often, he would sit in silent indignance listening to whatever it was I was saying. It came to the point where I could say nothing else, nor could I continue to enable him to live the way he was living. I told him it was time to make a decision: get on the ball or find another place to live.
I laid out a set of needs I had that he would have to meet in order to continue living in my house. He seemed to find said list agreeable and even a little excited about it. In the end, however, he chose to leave. My brother maintains that it finally came down to the fact that he simply dislikes Baltimore but I have this nagging feeling that there was more to it than he let on.
I said goodbye to him last night. I Told him that I love him and successfully fought back the tears like a good male. I know this is the best course of action but deep down I wanted to be the catalyst that lead to the discovery of his own self worth.
I wish him the best.
I hope he finds what he is looking for.
I will get over this.
And, hey, hopefully I will have a place to stay during future visits to Chi-town.
Hmm ... I feel a little bit better already.
Posted By eBill at 12:03 PM
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Comments
Some people have to bottom out before they see the light. It may be painful to watch but it provides a reference point for the rest of one's life. Regardless, you sound like a good bro'.
Now, enough of this touchy-feely bullshit. I'm sure I've got some type of raunchy tastelessness that I need to be writing about.
Posted by: tfg at December 5, 2005 08:28 PM
